Jokes For Today

Naughty Answers!
Man comes home, finds
his wife with his friend in bed.

He shoots his friend
and kills him.
Wife says :

'If you behave
like this, you will lose ALL your friends'.
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A small Boy wrote to Santa Claus, ' send me a brother'
Santa wrote back,

' SEND ME YOUR
MOTHER'
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What is the definition of Mistress?
Someone between the Mister and Mattress

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Husband asks:

'Do u know that the meaning of WIFE
is:
W ithout
I nformation
F ighting
E very-time
Wife replies :

' No,......
It means:
W ith
I diot
F or
E ver
!!!'

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What's the difference
between stress, tension and panic?
Stress is when wife is pregnant,... Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant.

Panic is when
both are pregnant.

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Grammer Teacher: Do you know the importance of a period?
Kid: Yeah,
once my sister said she has missed one,
my mom fainted, dad got a heart attack & our driver run away
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A young boy asks his
Dad :'What is the difference between confident and confidential?
Dad says: 'You are my son, I'm confident about that.
Your friend over there, is also my son, that IS confidential .'

Next time you use a pair of rubber gloves,
You're going to smile when you think of this:

A dentist noticed that his next patient, a little Old Lady, was
nervous so he decided to tell her a little joke as he put on his
gloves.

'Do you know how they make these gloves?' he asked.

'No, I don't,' she replied.

'Well,' he spoofed, 'there's a building in Canada with a big tank
of latex and workers of all hand sizes walk up to the tank, dip in
their hands, let them dry, then peel off the gloves and throw them
into boxes of the right size.'

She didn't crack a smile.

'Oh, well. I tried,' he thought.

But five minutes later, during a delicate portion of the procedure,
she burst out laughing.

'What's so funny?' he asked

'I was just envisioning how condoms are made!'

Gotta watch those little Old Ladies!
Their minds are always Working......................!!!!